For Yoo.

hehe. Get it? I hope you read some and I hope you do not read others but this is my blogging career, my highs and lows throughout college, a most formative part of my life. This is all for you. Enjoy.

I Saw a Man Pursuing the Horizon - Stephen Crane

I saw a man pursuing the horizon;
Round and round they sped.
I was disturbed at this;
I accosted the man.
"It is futile," I said,
"You can never -"

"You lie," he cried,
And ran on.

There is something strangely wonderful about the unbeautiful trying to be beautiful.

Siblings

It annoys me, because my siblings, excluding Samuel, think that I'm a fundamentalist nobody loser. While I am a fundamentalist, a nobody, and a loser, this is no way for a younger sibling to think of their older brother. My pride is wounded and since I can't change this no matter what, I hope that I can at least grow some humility from it. I always wanted intelligence but now I feel like intelligence is useless. It only helps me be sadder and more humble.

I have a lot of negative relationships with women in my life. Well, close relationships at least. I'm guessing it's spawning from my relationships with my sister. But that's no excuse. I guess I'm not too great either. I just hope that my relationship with my wife would be a healthy one.

I just want to be holier. I think the high is coming down. Now it's time for my depression drought.

'A Chip on the Shoulder' as the saying goes

At the request of Simon, a dear and estranged friend of mine.

I am trying something that very few people, if any, have ever tried at Westminster Seminario de California: I am going to try to pass the test and skip first semester Greek. For those of you NOT here, you probably do not understand the grave and serious implications of this endeavor.

It means that while EVERY other first year student at Westminster is taking Summer Greek, I am at my new home, doing nothing. And if I fail this placement exam, then I will be one year behind on all my classes since Greek is so vital to a Seminary education.

Now, I've talked to several people at the seminary, both students and staff, and I cannot help but get the feeling that nobody expects me to pass and I'll be the asterisk, the guy parents point to and say to their children, "that is why you don't miss Summer Greek". So I'm studying. I'm studying hard and studying long yet I still cannot help but feel inadequate.

There is no way I can ever know enough Greek for anything. But there are pockets. There are pockets of time when I actually get some hope. Hope that perhaps, I'll be ok. Hope that perhaps, I'll get through, even if just barely. Then reality kicks in 15 minutes later and I find myself crying in the corner of my room in my corner of the house where nobody looks.

But I have no choice. I have no choice but to go and kill the monster that is Greek Placement Exam. I have to kill it, even if I can't. I have to kill it, even if I die. I have to kill it, if it's the last thing I do...

Hyuk Hyuk.

hyuk hyuk.