Strive For Glory(fying)

I was talking Simon today and he brought up the topic of our current "grade". We were going to be seniors soon. This is the time when my imagination went out of control. This is what my mind went through when he mentioned that we were going to be seniors.

Thought Process of Richard: "Wow, it's been so fast. Life is so fast. My life is so fast. Fast means short. My life is short. I'm going to be adult now. Then I'm going to marry. Then I'm going to have children. Then I'm going to get old. Then I'm going to die. Then I'll be in Heaven."

I don't know why, but the concept of me going to Heaven at the end terrified me. I loved the ending to Chronicles of Narnia where everyday was a new adventure and each adventure was better than the last onto infinity. But for some reason, I was just afraid of that word: FOREVER. Right now, in my sinful state, I find that there is a struggle inside me. The Saved Richard and the Depraved Richard. Every choice I make is a battle between the Two Richards inside. The Saved Richard wins sometimes, the Depraved Richard wins most times. Despite this utter loss, I find comfort in knowing that the entire arsenal of Paradiso, the ten thousand legions of the battle angels of Heaven, the infinite might of God's left pinky, has Saved Richard's back. I find great comfort in it.

However, I know that in Heaven, I am going to be a different person entirely. I am not gonna be Saved Richard and Depraved Richard inside, I'm going to be Holy Richard. Now this is what freaks me out. I don't know who Holy Richard is. Because I certainly am not Holy Richard. I'm the constantly failing Saved Richard of Earth battling it out with Depraved Richard. I want to sin so bad and knowing that Holy Richard will not want to do the "same" sinful things I want to do right now is what caused me to think that Holy Richard and I am not the same.

Now in my fear, I decided I wanted to sing a praise song to make myself feel better. I know, lame. But still, I am happy I did. I asked Simon for a good praise song and he gave me "Hosanna" by Paul Baloche.

Praise is Rising, Eyes are turning to You, We turn to you

Hope is stirring, hearts are yearning for You, we long for You

'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day

In Your Presence all our fears are washed away, washed away

Hosanna, hosanna

You are the God Who saves us, worthy of all our praises

I remembered something EXTREMELY important. This is the main point of this post. And this got me past my pride and rather misplaced fear.

Our ultimate goal is not to get to Heaven,

but it is to glorify God. This is where

our greatest joy should come from.

We shouldn't strive to go to heaven. We should strive to glorify God is all that we do. I just have to do everything in my power to glorify God without worrying about what would happen to myself. God will take care of the rest. I will find joy in glorifying God. No matter who I fear becoming. I just lost interest in all the minor things.

Now knowing this, I hope I actually DO glorify God more in my daily living. Huhuhu.

Time to go sing Hosanna. I'm going to try memorizing it.