Technologically Insufficient

In order to edit and complete my film I went all pumped up to the computer lab where they have high tech computers for editing. When I got there, I didn't know where to put in the mini-dvd, so I just went back home. sigh~

I Like Pictures

Pictures add a lot of color to a person's blog so I'm going to try and use them more. hrm. I'll google: REVELATION and post a picture I like up.

Yup. The other ones are kind of stupid-looking or freaky. I like pictures of text which is kind of weird because pictures make a thousand words apparently, but if you have pictures of text, then what are we left with?

This is Me

At times, I feel short and full of smarts. At other times, I feel deprived of light and oxygen. That's a hyperbole. DPLT. Notice how the brain is in a ridiculous suit. That's what I feel like when I'm smart. It's like I'm hiding or wearing an outer layer or something. And when I'm pinky, I feel vulnerable as if my true self is not something I like to show. Yeah. I hope it is good.

Why I Don't Look Forward To Weekends

I have been without a job for the longest time and it is affecting both me and my associates at my church because no job means no money. I know that every weekend my colleagues go out to eat and they fellowship and such. I go and I state that I'm not hungry, which is true. However, nobody believes me because I would still eat their leftovers because I'm bored. I eat when I'm bored and there is available food before me. People offer to buy me but I don't want to inconvenience them. I know that the people offering might not feel like they are being inconvenienced but I still don't think I should.

Why?

I will answer you.

My pagan non-Christian answer might have been because of my pride. However, that doesn't work out because my pride is still in danger when I'm eating the leftovers. So no, that isn't it.

Then what?

I'm glad you asked, I will tell you.

It is that when I first accept, you will be fine but I do not want a relationship where people around me and I are placed in an awkward situation the next time we go out. They might be thinking, "DUDE, THIS GUY NEVER HAS MONEY. I HATE HIS GUTS. MUTHU..." yadiyadiyada. At the same time, I might be thinking, "DUDE, THAT DOUBLE-DOUBLE LOOKS SO GOOD. I'm not hungry but I hope that person buys me today..." blahblahblah. And that way, one of us will always be disappointed. Either I will ask and that person will feel obliged to buy me or that person will not offer and I will be bored out of my skull and lusting after the double-double. I know that you guys are thinking, "dude, Richard, why do you lie and say you're not hungry?" Well, I'm not hungry that's why. I try not to lie and saying I'm not hungry when I'm hungry is a lie so you just have to believe me. I'm not trying to get out of being bought, I'm just not hungry. I might be bored but not hungry.

So I will stop here before this post gets any longer but money and food is basically why I don't look forward to weekends.

God is God regardless of my money problems and I should treat him as God whether I'm rich or poor.

Richard Likes to Dream

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

-W.B. Yeats

Richardian Views and Reactions to When He Watches Movies

I realized that I'm an awfully pessimistic movie-watcher. If I watch a movie, any movie, I notice and reveal many flaws instead of fully appreciating the good aspects of the movie. It's not that I completely miss all the good parts, I just don't enjoy it as much as I should. I also realized that the more I watch a movie, the more I can grow to like it. However, there is a point when even movies I like can get old and I get tired of it. Basically, I won't ever fully say after a movie, "I don't have to watch another film again because this movie just set the standard too high and any other movie will suck compared to this." I just can't. haha. Whenever someone asks me what I felt about the movie, I tend to show resistance in saying that it was good and that I enjoyed it. An example would be IronMan. It was good but I just noticed some parts that I didn't like. I know it sounds like I didn't like IronMan now, but I did. It's weird.

PostScript. Watch all the way until after the end credits. It's the best.

Richardian Confessions

I'm an attention hog. I love it. I feel like a loser saying it but still.

I need purpose in everything I do. Unfortunately, the purpose of "glorifying God" is not enough for me. I'm such a sinner.

The "attacks" have been laying off and I'm holding up fairly well but it's my pride that is keeping me up, not God.

I
like
girl
s

I'm making a movie but I'm afraid that it'll suck. The thing is, I'm pretty sure it'll be good, it's just the time and resources that I don't have.

I
fear
girl
s

People would say, "but dood, I see you with girls all the time." Yeah, but it's weird. I don't know why I can talk to some girl s and why I'm utterly terrified of talking with others. I could talk to girls if I have purpose though.

I have low self-confidence.

My life is very image-oriented.

I'm a spendthrift.

I get annoyed with people close to me because they are close to me.


I love God.