I Saw a Man Pursuing the Horizon - Stephen Crane

I saw a man pursuing the horizon;
Round and round they sped.
I was disturbed at this;
I accosted the man.
"It is futile," I said,
"You can never -"

"You lie," he cried,
And ran on.

There is something strangely wonderful about the unbeautiful trying to be beautiful.

Siblings

It annoys me, because my siblings, excluding Samuel, think that I'm a fundamentalist nobody loser. While I am a fundamentalist, a nobody, and a loser, this is no way for a younger sibling to think of their older brother. My pride is wounded and since I can't change this no matter what, I hope that I can at least grow some humility from it. I always wanted intelligence but now I feel like intelligence is useless. It only helps me be sadder and more humble.

I have a lot of negative relationships with women in my life. Well, close relationships at least. I'm guessing it's spawning from my relationships with my sister. But that's no excuse. I guess I'm not too great either. I just hope that my relationship with my wife would be a healthy one.

I just want to be holier. I think the high is coming down. Now it's time for my depression drought.

'A Chip on the Shoulder' as the saying goes

At the request of Simon, a dear and estranged friend of mine.

I am trying something that very few people, if any, have ever tried at Westminster Seminario de California: I am going to try to pass the test and skip first semester Greek. For those of you NOT here, you probably do not understand the grave and serious implications of this endeavor.

It means that while EVERY other first year student at Westminster is taking Summer Greek, I am at my new home, doing nothing. And if I fail this placement exam, then I will be one year behind on all my classes since Greek is so vital to a Seminary education.

Now, I've talked to several people at the seminary, both students and staff, and I cannot help but get the feeling that nobody expects me to pass and I'll be the asterisk, the guy parents point to and say to their children, "that is why you don't miss Summer Greek". So I'm studying. I'm studying hard and studying long yet I still cannot help but feel inadequate.

There is no way I can ever know enough Greek for anything. But there are pockets. There are pockets of time when I actually get some hope. Hope that perhaps, I'll be ok. Hope that perhaps, I'll get through, even if just barely. Then reality kicks in 15 minutes later and I find myself crying in the corner of my room in my corner of the house where nobody looks.

But I have no choice. I have no choice but to go and kill the monster that is Greek Placement Exam. I have to kill it, even if I can't. I have to kill it, even if I die. I have to kill it, if it's the last thing I do...

Hyuk Hyuk.

hyuk hyuk.

An Awesome Theatre Policy

This is a video that I found on Slashfilm.com.

It has a bit of cursing but excuse it because it's awesome. This is a quote about the video from the writers at /film (that's [slash]film, get it?):

"This is beautiful. Anyone who agrees with this phone call should never go to a theater."

And I have to say that I completely agree with this statement.

New Template

Looks cool. You can actually see the whole videos that I put up now. Plus it looks serene and blurry.

New Girl

looks fun. Props to the infamous Jenn Chung for this.

On Sin and Accountability

Me and a friend of mine set up a system of accountability which hits us where it hurts when we sin. This is a specific particular sin, but for the sake of privacy, we will just call it "the sin".

So whenever, he or I "sin", we have to pay the other $50. Straight up. This is, by far, one of the most difficult choices I have ever made in my life.

Now, you may be appalled at the seemingly legalistic nature of this system, but I assure you, it is not.

It is peculiar. I had some concerns of course: "what if the $50 turns into some kind guilt money, so after we pay, we stop feeling guilty, which would lead to us freely sinning and then just paying the other without really letting it bother our conscience."

After doing it for two weeks, I found out that this was not the case.

Now, this is why this decision was the most difficult decision I've made in forever. This was the Gospel actually manifesting itself in my life. Not theoretical. Not academic. This was practical application of Scripture. This was my recognition and realization that God sent his very own son, Jesus Christ, to die the most horrendous death that I so love to talk about, for my sins. And this decision was a physical manifestation of my appreciation and act of worship to this God.

After being on this system for 3 weeks, we came to a fork in the road. We will not be seeing each other on a regular basis because I will be gone to Westminster and he will stay in Talbot. So we had to decide if we were going to continue this system of accountability or not. The thing is, we both knew that RIGHT when we called off the system of accountability, we would both sin, almost immediately. not a doubt in my mind. And I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY want to "sin". BUUTTTTTT, we ALSO know that the Godly, Christ-centered thing to do, is to keep the accountability system on and keep each other accountable.

So, we decided to keep it on, but my sinful self, the one whom I battle with everyday, regretted the decision immediately after it left my mouth.

So this is how I came to make the hardest decision in my life because my desire to "sin" is a strong strong desire.

So I leave you with this. Pray for myself to stay away from sin. That I keep the words of 1 Corinthians 9:27: "No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

I hope I have that in context and if not, someone please correct me.

Interlude Dance

What is the Interlude Dance? Only the greatest thing to hit the US since the slave trade.

One example.

May Project: Haunted

Haunted from Richard Chung on Vimeo.

Our May Project. Enjoy and fear!!! :-jD

A Big Beer Ad

A Survey

So what should I call my band (which would just have me in it. But I like being in a band. Even if it's by myself.)

The Empiricists

or

The Apologists

Your input may or may not have any affect on my decision.

The Origins of the Current Calendar

Our current calendar was established by a short Scythian fellow named Dionysius Exiguus. I will now explain why this is awesome.

Many calendar systems prior to mister Exiguus' were based on the reigns of kings. This was actually a pretty common practice in a variety of cultures.

Now, in order to make life simple for everyone involved, Exiguus decided to create a system based on the life of one random man: Jesus Christ. This man succeeded all previous kings and eras in which calendars were based on and just owned them all. Our current calendar is based on the life of our true king.

A couple more random facts:

• A.D. is not "After Death". This isn't really a pet peeve of mine and I don't openly correct them but I just judge people who say that A.D. stands for "After Death". I'd rather not embarrass them. It actually stands for Anno Domino which means "Year of the Lord". If you think about it, it just doesn't make any logical sense why A.D. would be "After Death". That must mean there is a 30 year gap of nothingness between B.C. and A.D.
• A couple years ago, some fools tried to change it to B.C.E. and C.E. Super lame attempt. It stands for "Before Common Era" and "Common Era" respectively. Pff. Nice try, dorks. Maybe in a million years when you make your own calendar system. Pff. duh.

April Project: One Bored Afternoon

One Bored Afternoon from Richard Chung on Vimeo.

Daniel, Brother of Paul, of the Cho Clan tells his testimony at Chick-fil-a

recorded and transcribed by Manchan the Banchan, scribe and computer programmer.

Daniel: Sometimes when you hear an explosion it’s in the distance, but this one was like really close, so I was like, right...I noticed that the first vehicle...most of the first vehicle was quiet, and then when you hear an explosion, and you know that it’s your convoy that got hit, everyone stops. Everyone immediately stops, and then you wait 2 seconds, and if nothing comes over the radio net, saying oh like “We’re okay” or “We need help,” if nothing comes over the net for over 2 seconds, then we react with what we have to do. So...

Matthew: Because the dudes died.

Daniel: We’re like, “They’re still injured,” or something about them, big ol’ [inaudible]. I’m waiting...so like by then, the second vehicle’s already pulled into his position to get his friends, to pull the people in by the side, and I was supposed to go behind, to make like a little um...

Simon: A “u”?

Daniel: Yeah, I think uh...

Matthew: A “wagon circle”?

Daniel: Yeah, like a...I can’t think of the word...

Terrance: “Cover”?

Daniel: Yeah kind of like a defensive cover [perimeter] for that vehicle. So I remember pulling up, by the time...

Terrance: Cowboys and Indians.

Daniel: ...there are people already coming out to help that vehicle. And I was already worried because I was thinking about, of Haze, the driver. So I remember, I pull up, and like when I get there, there’s like they have like a halo, kind of like a guard rail, and if you hit it any harder [inaudible], so the guard rail had full impact, and I was like kind of sitting there. Drivers are always supposed to stay with their vehicle. But [inaudible] looked up and was all like, “Uh, some people...yeah, go out and help them.” So I get out, so by the time I was coming out, they’re pulling a passenger out of the Humvee, and like all I remember seeing is his right leg was missing, like below the knee...

Group: Ooo...

Daniel: ...and his left leg was straight up like hanging by a little skin or I don’t know...

Group: Ooo...

Daniel: ...cause you know the knee only bends like a certain way but it was flipped over like...

Group: Ooo...

Daniel: They were cleaning him up, and I remember like he wasn’t like screaming or anything but was like completely like, he was like dazed...

Matthew: Unconscious.

Daniel: He was conscious, I think he was like in...

Matthew: Shock.

Daniel: Shock, he was like limp. All I remember seeing was he was licking his lips. He was like . People they put like chewing tobacco beneath their lips, and I think he was trying to take that out. So he was [inaudible] while the guys were dragging him out, and all I remember as I was going to the Humvee was, I hear screaming from someone else that didn’t sound like Haze. So I went to the guy, I pulled the door open, and he was just like sitting there like he was like what the heck just happened. He was all bloody on his face...

Matthew: Was that his blood?

Daniel: That was his blood. He was holding his hand like this he was like sitting there. So like “Haze, are you okay?” He’s like, “Little bit.” So I’m like, “What’s wrong?” So he takes out his hand like this and his thumb was like completely severed and like hanging. So I’m like, “Oh my gosh.” So I think Haze’s face was all bloody because the impact, he hit the steering wheel and so his face is all bloody, is just a mess, cause there’s like a flow coming out it’s on my left--so all right let’s go get out of the vehicle, just pass him up to like someone else over there so they could put him in an evac vehicle, and uh, I could hear screaming, and I know it’s my friend that was the gunner of that vehicle. And so gunners are always standing in the middle of their vehicle, and so I opened the rear passenger seat by the door and he was just sitting there screaming. He was all like, “Get me out of here!” and I’m like, “What’s wrong? Can you stand?” And he was like, “No--I don’t know what’s wrong.” And I was like kind of evaluating him and I see blood around his pants and I was like, yeah his legs still seem intact--

Waitress: Would you sample our new banana pudding here, okay?

Terrance: Sure.

Group:

Matthew: That’s a nice segue.

Simon: Thank you.

Daniel: Thank you.

Waitress: Would you grab one?

Daniel: Yeah.

Matthew: Thank you.

Daniel: Um...

Group:

Matthew: She just pulled us out of that scene. He was like crouched over.

Terrance: So you were gonna pull him out...

Daniel: So his legs were in like the, where like your feet are, and he was sitting at the middle part of the vehicle. So he was sitting there screaming. I’m like “What wrong?” and he’s like “Oh no I’ve gotta go.” So I’m like, “You’re bleeding. You’ve gotta get some [inaudible].” He’s like, “Tourniquet! Tourniquet!” You know? I’m like alright that’s what I’m trained to do. A tourniquet’s like a thing you cramp down to stop the bleeding. So everyone has one tourniquet off of their body so he’s reaching for mine and I’m reaching for his, and so, we just put tourniquets on both his legs. I don’t even check what’s wrong with his legs, I just throw a tourniquet on there, I like just hang it down, I’m like “You okay?” and he’s like “You’re not... it’s not good enough!” He undoes it, and does it himself on both of them, and he’s like “Alright, get me out, get me out!” So this guy’s a pretty big guy, like...

Matthew: “Quick” guy?

Daniel: “Big”...big. So he’s like, we’re about the same height, but he’s like, more built. So he has like, he’s like, big--I’m like he’s probably, he looks like 200 lbs, I would assume. So I had to pull him out with all his gear on so I remember, he was hanging on the whole time. It’s hot, it’s sweaty, like my kevlar is like all over my face, I’m just like I can’t see half the time...

Terrance: You’re all freaking out.

Daniel: Yeah, it was pretty... yeah I believe so. I remember I grabbed him and kind of pulled him out and he can’t move his legs-- screaming and screaming and like more agony. And all I remember is that half of his leg got, he couldn’t lift, I had to lift his leg high enough to get his legs clear of the leg well or whatever, so when that happened, I literally dropped him.

Group: Ooohh...

Daniel: So I picked up and then dropped him, and he still kept screaming, non-stop screaming.

Simon: He’s on the ground?

Daniel: He’s on the ground now. And he would “Get me up!” and I’m “Okay, okay” and by then my lieutenant was already on the ground now. He would help me so he would grab people by the armpits and start dragging them without me grabbing the rest of his body, and so my friend is constantly screaming...I go to pick up us legs. I grab him right where his thighs, knees are...

Group: Ooo...

Daniel: Right when I pick up, he’s like, “Woooa!” He just slapped me.

Group:

Daniel: He just sat up and slapped me. I’m like, and I tried it again. So I’m like, “Why?” He’s like “Get your f-ing...” “I’m so sorry, sorry.” So he’s still dragging him [inaudible] I just grab him up and [inaudible] and we just throw him into car, like it’s a Humvee, so we throw him in, non-stop screaming [inaudible] “Is he okay?” “I think so,” [inaudible] “Okay, get back into your vehicles and we’re going back, we’re going to evac.” Alright so also because like when that happens you’re kind of vulnerable when all that man power [inaudible] are watching you, so I’ve got to get my gig going, they notice the sergeant that got his legs decapitated, or not decapitated...

Matthew: Severed.

Daniel: Severed. He was in the back of my Humvee. And so the vehicles were like turning around to get back to the ER. And we were going, and all I remember is that there was one sergeant who was sitting back there with the guy that was injured and he just starts laughing like crazy. I’m like, “What’s so funny?”

Terrance: Wait wait the one that was injured, the one that was screaming?

Daniel: Oh no no...

Terrance: The guy who lost his legs?

Daniel: Yeah.

Terrance: Okay.

Daniel: [inaudible] and so me, my squad leader, the injured guy, and this other sergeant was sitting there with him in the back.

Terrance: And he’s laughing.

Daniel: And he’s laughing. And I’m like “Who are you laughing at?” He’s like, “Dude,” he’s like, “Sergeant ___, he’s telling me how he’s gonna go on MySpace and tell his friends about this.”

Group:

Someone: What?

Daniel: “Are you saying that...” “Yeah, I don’t know if he’s making any sense...”

Terrance: The guy who lost his legs...

Daniel: Yeah, he’s just like [inaudible] saying, “I get to go on MySpace and tell my friends about this.”

Someone: Augh...

Daniel: I was like, that’s when I [inaudible] “Oh my God.”

Matthew: I would laugh.

Daniel: So we’re just like evac’ing to like this another, smaller [inaudible] but we never been to that town before. We do a little training here and there to get familiar with the area that we’re going through but we never been to this one before, so we’re going through, and after a while we’re like, “Where is this hospital,” like the directions were like pointing this way, this way, this way, there are like all these signs. We get to the hospital area but we don’t exactly where the actual ER area is, so we stopped and we got out and it was right near the helipad and we’re like, “Too late,” cause there were guys already, my friend Haze, the [inaudible], he really thought he could come out of the car, so he started running to the hospital, so he ran by himself into the distance [inaudible] they were the ones waiting [inaudible] it was about a 100 meter stretch from they were to where we were, and so Haze was just running by himself. He was just like, he’s like running, he’s like, “Help!” And we were like, I can see him running...my friend [inaudible] broken leg guy whatever, he’s non-stop screaming, still screaming, the guys are carrying him [inaudible] and they’re taking off with him and he’s screaming. He’s like “Get me a doctor!” He’s making it so dramatic. And then in our Humvee, we have our guy on a stretcher. And so I get out, we all get out. We all take his sides, and as I’m getting out, I took like I took the back side. People brought him in in the back end as he came out, and then the thing was as we were about to leave, we started running, I was like “Wait!” and then “What?” They left his leg inside the [inaudible] so I was just like grab, put it under and we took off.

Group:

Daniel: Yeah.

Matthew: Wuh, you think you can sew it back on?

Daniel: I don’t know! I just have it. I don’t know. It’s his body, we need it, right, so, I remember, as I was about to close the door, I saw like [inaudible] oh dude that’s disgusting...

Matthew: Is it one or two?

Daniel: One. And his other one was still kind of hanging.

Someone: Oh man.

Daniel: So I grab it--you don’t really think about it--you just do it. You just grab it, everyone still has their gear on, we’re like tired and sweaty, like my glasses were just like...you know

Simon: You didn’t have contacts on?

Daniel: No. Contacts aren’t allowed in Iraq because of like a lot of dirt and dust. And when you get burned, something about the contacts melts into your eyes...stuff like that. So they [inaudible] glasses or like eye protection.

So I just remember you’re running with all your crap on because you have to have your weapons with you. So we’re running and all I remember is that I’m running and I’m just looking at his leg. Cause I don’t have to direct. I’m just following and carrying.

Terrance: Was he heavy?

Daniel: Yeah and he was heavy too. And like I don’t even feel it and then so I’m running I remember I’m watching his leg the one that’s still hanging it’s just like bouncing while we’re running it’s just bouncing bouncing bouncing it almost bounces off so I’m like put it back on and keep going. We get to the ER. We were just like going to this super bright and at that moment I was just like sooo focused on his severed leg...

Matthew: So you’re...that image is just burned into your head.

Daniel: It wasn’t like a clean cut it was like jagged and tore off kinda. So I’m like, I was like, “That was the bone, that must be like...”

Matthew: So were you in some kind of shock too by seeing that or were you like used to that?

Daniel: I’m not used to that...that was my first time seeing body parts. So I was just trying to guess. I’m like “That was like bone, that looks like muscle, maybe, I don’t know.”

Simon #2: Was this like the most traumatic experience you’ve ever had?

Daniel: Pretty much, yeah. So he gets to the ER, we drop him off, and then I almost forgot to leave the leg. So I drop it...

Group:

Daniel: While I was turning around, the doctors were like watching and like “Hey you, like stop” and I’m like “What? Oh oh, shoot...”

Group:

Daniel: So we go out, and we go out and we go outside of the entire level off [inaudible] was standing out there, and my squad leader’s like, “Dude, I hope everything’s okay.” I’m like, “Yeeaaah...” He’s like, “Cho...” Me and my friend we’re just like standing there, he’s like, “Cho...anyways, you guys take your gear off and go wash up.” And we’re like, “It’s okay I wanna wait.” He was like, “No, listen to me. Take your gear off and go wash up.” And when you look at the gear there was just like blood all over you. It got all [inaudible] and so he’s like, “Cho...go clean up.” And I was like, “No I don’t want to clean up.” So he’s like “Alright. I’m giving you a direct order to take your clothes off...”

Matthew: Why were you so insistent on...

Daniel: I don’t know! I was just showing like...I don’t know, I was just like, “No, I want to stay here. I want to stay here.” And so he told me like, “Take your top off and go wash off.” and I was like, “Okay, fine.” So I take my stuff off, and like took my toothbrush, I forget my glasses, and so my friend and I we’re walking to the hospital to wash and like people were straight up staring at us, and I was like, “Why are you staring at us?” We get to the bathroom and I immediately look at the mirror and see why he told me, there was like blood like all over. There were moments of grabbing and like [inaudible] with sweat [inaudible] so I was like “Ooh shiee...”

Group:

Daniel: I was like pouring hot water and like “Oh my gosh” and I come back out, and he’s like “So you now know why I told you to wash up?” and I’m like “Yeah.” So the remainder of that night, that guy, we were waiting, and so like [inaudible]. So I think about an hour later, there were high ranking doctors came out and he’s like, “Who put tourniquets on these guys?” and couple of us raised their hands, and he goes “If you guys didn’t do what you did these guys would’ve been dead.” I was all, “Auuww.”

Simon #2: Good job, dude.

Matthew: So what was wrong with his legs?

Daniel: His legs were completely shattered.

Matthew: The guy who was yelling...because there was like an explosion?

Daniel: No, so what happened with him, so when the gunner was standing in the turret, right in front of the legs there was like a metal radio mount, where our radios go, that place must have impacted hard, and it’s like jagged, well not jagged, it’s kind of smooth its got a sharp curve so when we got hit his legs just like full force into that thing and so the entire like shin bone or whatever I mean like hit it [inaudible]

Terrance: I want to be [inaudible] I’ll be [inaudible] too

Daniel:

Group:

Daniel: After they told us that everyone was stable, “You guys can go back to your base, rest up, and come back tomorrow to check how your guys are doing or whatever,” so that guy who had his legs severed, he pretty much lost both below the knee, so they just had to recut so it’s clean and he pretty much had a quick recovery, but my friend who had those shattered legs, he was in like non-stop agony for months because his bones had to heal.

Matthew: So he kept his legs.

Daniel: He kept his legs. I think they put like rods in them and stuff like that and so he was like in non-stop pain for like months after.

Terrance: So the guy who lost his legs, he was discharged?

Daniel: Yeah so he was discharged. Haze, was discharged because he lost his thumb. And so at the end of the year when we got back from deployment, we had our ball, like we’re celebrating another deployment. And we saw two of them: Haze, the thumb, and the guy who lost both his legs. He was on prosthetics at that time. He looks like he was already good.

Matthew: Are they like those cheetah legs?

Daniel: Yeah yeah yeah.

Terrance: Oh those are cool.

Daniel: Yeah.

Group:

Daniel: So we saw them, so I was like “Haze, how you doin’?” He’s like, “Are you thankful now that we switched?”

Matthew: Wuh was he all like...

Daniel: Yeah at the beginning of that entire mission, we had a mission brief, and initially I was the lead driver.

Matthew: Oh my goodness...

Daniel: And so during the mission my lieutenant was like, “One last thing: Cho, you’re going to switch with Haze.” And I was pissed that we were changing.

Terrance: So did you guys find out what exactly, was it an IED that exploded?

Daniel: It was a, probably an EFP, and those are called “Explosively Formed Penetrator.” Cause like an IED, it’s like a grenade: it just blows up, shrapnel goes all over. But an EFP like concentrated, it’s like directed in a specific direction. You see like these metal slugs.

Terrance: So it’s kinda like a claymore.

Daniel: Yeah, it’s kinda like a claymore, but the actual slugs are a lot bigger. And it’s like, if you watch it like technically, like in the military test rooms, it just cuts through our armor like butter.

Someone: Oh my gosh.

Daniel: That’s what happened that, that um..

Terrance: So he was [inaudible] that just shattered his legs.

Daniel: I thought he could [inaudible] target as well, but he was still he might [inaudible] When I left Germany, so because you have to [inaudible] so they won’t discharge you like not [inaudible]

Terrance: Right.

Daniel: So I think he ought to be out by now.

Terrance: Aw.

Daniel: So they just missed that whatever.

Simon: So when they were going up that bridge, there was a mine or something?

Daniel: No it was like on the side like the guard rails. Usually when, they’re like hiding behind the the guard rail, I don’t know how they do it, so there would be like a point man, or whoever might be watching, he’ll be simply watching, people might run away, and he’d like radio a trigger man that’s far away. So they just like time it perfectly. I don’t think that he missed it; he might have seen it, but [inaudible]

Terrance: [inaudible], [inaudible]

Daniel: Right.

Matthew: So what was the reason why your lieutenant switched your positions?

Daniel: Because my squad leader wanted me to be with him, or drive for him.

Matthew: Why?

Daniel: He just wanted to.

Matthew: Because you were buddies?

Daniel: He liked me. I hated him.

Group:

Matthew: You must go over it in your head, again and again.

Daniel: Yeah.

Matthew: You can’t just call it luck, because other people got screwed over.

Daniel: Yeah, I was like totally like, during my time in Iraq, I was so distant from God. I didn’t really like have a relationship with Him. I didn’t care, I didn’t pray. But still, God just watched over me. There were like [inaudible]

Simon #2: That was like the harshest thing you’ve gone through?

Daniel: Yeah. There were a lot of people praying for me, when I wasn’t.