'A Chip on the Shoulder' as the saying goes

At the request of Simon, a dear and estranged friend of mine.

I am trying something that very few people, if any, have ever tried at Westminster Seminario de California: I am going to try to pass the test and skip first semester Greek. For those of you NOT here, you probably do not understand the grave and serious implications of this endeavor.

It means that while EVERY other first year student at Westminster is taking Summer Greek, I am at my new home, doing nothing. And if I fail this placement exam, then I will be one year behind on all my classes since Greek is so vital to a Seminary education.

Now, I've talked to several people at the seminary, both students and staff, and I cannot help but get the feeling that nobody expects me to pass and I'll be the asterisk, the guy parents point to and say to their children, "that is why you don't miss Summer Greek". So I'm studying. I'm studying hard and studying long yet I still cannot help but feel inadequate.

There is no way I can ever know enough Greek for anything. But there are pockets. There are pockets of time when I actually get some hope. Hope that perhaps, I'll be ok. Hope that perhaps, I'll get through, even if just barely. Then reality kicks in 15 minutes later and I find myself crying in the corner of my room in my corner of the house where nobody looks.

But I have no choice. I have no choice but to go and kill the monster that is Greek Placement Exam. I have to kill it, even if I can't. I have to kill it, even if I die. I have to kill it, if it's the last thing I do...