Infidelities

On Monday, my professor shared about his friends. They were married and victims of marital infidelity.

This got me thinking about unfaithfulness in marriage. The concept of looking good enough, both physically and socially, in front of girl so that she would go out on a date with you to start with, THEN sticking with her for a while without growing tired of her, THEN getting her to love you enough to spend the rest of her life with you seems so very daunting to me.

So when I think of my future and when I marry, (if I do...sigh) my future self seems fairly happy. However, just thinking of my future wife cheating on me, is emotionally devastating. After going through everything I stated in paragraph 2, if my wife were to cheat on me, I would not know what to do. I can't get angry because it is obvious I couldn't offer what my wife wanted. I can't kill anybody because even if I do, I'll always know that I wasn't good enough for my wife in her eyes. And so, when I think about my future self, a victim of marital infidelity, I feel complete and utter despair.

I cannot just forget about her and wish her to hell because the feeling of being cheated on would be too strong. I think being cheated on, is just something that you want to turn back time and change whatever to make sure your wife doesn't cheat on you. It's not something that you want to respond to. It would be the ultimate feeling of loneliness. Your wife, who's supposed to be your best friend, your soul mate, does not consider you to be her best friend.

On another level, if my wife does not love me completely, I would feel emotional infidelity. Which might be just as bad. Now the hardest part of it all, is that I have to accept that my wife should love God more than me, and that I should love God more than my wife, but I think that would be the hardest thing to do. Thinking about it is difficult.

So don't cheat on your wives or husbands.

There are people who I just want to forgive so much and pray that they would ask for forgiveness. There are people that I just want to injure badly in a biblical manner. And there are people who I wish never existed. Hitler would be in the first category. The anti-Christ would be in the second category. and Adulterers would be in the third category.

THE MAIN POINT

This is a topic that I am fairly passionate about: the topic of my future wife. But I can't help but feel like I'm such an adulterer towards God.

God uses Gomer and Hosea to illustrate the relationship between the Church and God.

As bad as I feel towards adulterers, I am so disgustingly unfaithful to God. I'm like the village skank that brings several guys to the house of my husband and make him watch me as I commit all sorts of disgusting acts with the other guys. I don't even let him leave. I have to say, if my wife did that, I would not be able to handle it. I might go insane or something. I wouldn't lose faith because I don't have anything else but God, but I definitely would go insane.

The words I can use to describe God's love for me despite my disgusting infidelity are few. I think the words I'm looking for far surpass "Beautiful." No, I don't think there's a word in the human tongue that would describe his love for me. The closest thing would be in Greek. Agape.

Trivia: Did you know that the word "Agape" in Greek was created in order to describe God's love for us? Yep.

I'm gonna invent a word to describe his love for me. Hrm...nevermind, it all looks to dorkish and unfitting. haha. God _______ me. Imagine a word. :)

Support Group

Yoojin Song's Circle of Bloggers, which consists of Yoojin Ezekiel Song and Sarah Cho, are a beautiful bunch of people. I'm dedicating this post to them for being such a wonderful part of my life, both online and not so much in person, but their comments help me feel better in the real world, so that's good enough for me.

I think I'm going to try and be more positive. Not the fake, smile all the time positive that I've been trying to put on (which failed miserably), but a true sincere happiness to spread around. :)

I hope that I do get better and I stop dragging the moods of everybody around me. :)

:-|

I really don't want to chill with God right now.

Then I figured, that this is the ideal moment to be chilling with God.

Sigh. To think that he'd still want me. It's a beautiful thing.

Confessions of a Naive Little Girl

Well, I realized that the person I want to marry should be fairly romantic and a perfect girl. And the husband in my wedding, that would be me, should be a perfect husband. Unfortunately, despite all my desires, I know that I'm a complete failure as a human being, let alone a decent man.

Plus, the woman that I want to marry, by her nature, should not want to marry anything resembling a Richard Chung.

Plus, if I married someone I loved, I'd put her above God which would be a great no-no.

So the best solution is this. Marry someone that I don't really love and also someone who is sad enough to consider marrying something like me.

There's one more way which would save me all the trouble. That would be to risk my life so often that eventually, I die in a horrifying accident.

So these are the confessions of the naive little girl inside of me and no matter how you look at it, it all ends in a sad way.

PostScript. Yes, I would consider myself to be a little on the down side nowadays.

Richard Chung Association

I recently joined the RCA. The Richard Chung Association. Yes.

I also recently talked to a friend about some problems I've been having because that friend didn't talk to me much.

I realized that I have a sad need for constant affirmation from people. Be it friends, or other Richard Chungs.

I need affirmation that I still have friends, that I have a lick of importance to the human race, and that I am Richard Chung.

Strangely, the RCA taught me this.

It helped me realize that there are a bunch of other folks out there that have this same need of attention and reassurance.

AND there is another human out there that would TOTALLY do something that I would do and make a Richard Chung Association.

Of course, I would have picked a more elegant name, but I won't be picky about my counter-parts.

So, to my followers, yes, there is such a thing as the RCA. The world is a big place. Don't be so shocked. :-)

A Conversation with a Relativist

I imagined having a conversation with a relativist. It goes something like this:

Me: Hey. Sup. My name is Richard and I'm a Christian.

Steve: Hey Richard, I'm Steve and I believe that everything is relative.

Me: Stop forcing your beliefs on me!

Matt and Kim