Infidelities

On Monday, my professor shared about his friends. They were married and victims of marital infidelity.

This got me thinking about unfaithfulness in marriage. The concept of looking good enough, both physically and socially, in front of girl so that she would go out on a date with you to start with, THEN sticking with her for a while without growing tired of her, THEN getting her to love you enough to spend the rest of her life with you seems so very daunting to me.

So when I think of my future and when I marry, (if I do...sigh) my future self seems fairly happy. However, just thinking of my future wife cheating on me, is emotionally devastating. After going through everything I stated in paragraph 2, if my wife were to cheat on me, I would not know what to do. I can't get angry because it is obvious I couldn't offer what my wife wanted. I can't kill anybody because even if I do, I'll always know that I wasn't good enough for my wife in her eyes. And so, when I think about my future self, a victim of marital infidelity, I feel complete and utter despair.

I cannot just forget about her and wish her to hell because the feeling of being cheated on would be too strong. I think being cheated on, is just something that you want to turn back time and change whatever to make sure your wife doesn't cheat on you. It's not something that you want to respond to. It would be the ultimate feeling of loneliness. Your wife, who's supposed to be your best friend, your soul mate, does not consider you to be her best friend.

On another level, if my wife does not love me completely, I would feel emotional infidelity. Which might be just as bad. Now the hardest part of it all, is that I have to accept that my wife should love God more than me, and that I should love God more than my wife, but I think that would be the hardest thing to do. Thinking about it is difficult.

So don't cheat on your wives or husbands.

There are people who I just want to forgive so much and pray that they would ask for forgiveness. There are people that I just want to injure badly in a biblical manner. And there are people who I wish never existed. Hitler would be in the first category. The anti-Christ would be in the second category. and Adulterers would be in the third category.

THE MAIN POINT

This is a topic that I am fairly passionate about: the topic of my future wife. But I can't help but feel like I'm such an adulterer towards God.

God uses Gomer and Hosea to illustrate the relationship between the Church and God.

As bad as I feel towards adulterers, I am so disgustingly unfaithful to God. I'm like the village skank that brings several guys to the house of my husband and make him watch me as I commit all sorts of disgusting acts with the other guys. I don't even let him leave. I have to say, if my wife did that, I would not be able to handle it. I might go insane or something. I wouldn't lose faith because I don't have anything else but God, but I definitely would go insane.

The words I can use to describe God's love for me despite my disgusting infidelity are few. I think the words I'm looking for far surpass "Beautiful." No, I don't think there's a word in the human tongue that would describe his love for me. The closest thing would be in Greek. Agape.

Trivia: Did you know that the word "Agape" in Greek was created in order to describe God's love for us? Yep.

I'm gonna invent a word to describe his love for me. Hrm...nevermind, it all looks to dorkish and unfitting. haha. God _______ me. Imagine a word. :)

Support Group

Yoojin Song's Circle of Bloggers, which consists of Yoojin Ezekiel Song and Sarah Cho, are a beautiful bunch of people. I'm dedicating this post to them for being such a wonderful part of my life, both online and not so much in person, but their comments help me feel better in the real world, so that's good enough for me.

I think I'm going to try and be more positive. Not the fake, smile all the time positive that I've been trying to put on (which failed miserably), but a true sincere happiness to spread around. :)

I hope that I do get better and I stop dragging the moods of everybody around me. :)

:-|

I really don't want to chill with God right now.

Then I figured, that this is the ideal moment to be chilling with God.

Sigh. To think that he'd still want me. It's a beautiful thing.

Confessions of a Naive Little Girl

Well, I realized that the person I want to marry should be fairly romantic and a perfect girl. And the husband in my wedding, that would be me, should be a perfect husband. Unfortunately, despite all my desires, I know that I'm a complete failure as a human being, let alone a decent man.

Plus, the woman that I want to marry, by her nature, should not want to marry anything resembling a Richard Chung.

Plus, if I married someone I loved, I'd put her above God which would be a great no-no.

So the best solution is this. Marry someone that I don't really love and also someone who is sad enough to consider marrying something like me.

There's one more way which would save me all the trouble. That would be to risk my life so often that eventually, I die in a horrifying accident.

So these are the confessions of the naive little girl inside of me and no matter how you look at it, it all ends in a sad way.

PostScript. Yes, I would consider myself to be a little on the down side nowadays.

Richard Chung Association

I recently joined the RCA. The Richard Chung Association. Yes.

I also recently talked to a friend about some problems I've been having because that friend didn't talk to me much.

I realized that I have a sad need for constant affirmation from people. Be it friends, or other Richard Chungs.

I need affirmation that I still have friends, that I have a lick of importance to the human race, and that I am Richard Chung.

Strangely, the RCA taught me this.

It helped me realize that there are a bunch of other folks out there that have this same need of attention and reassurance.

AND there is another human out there that would TOTALLY do something that I would do and make a Richard Chung Association.

Of course, I would have picked a more elegant name, but I won't be picky about my counter-parts.

So, to my followers, yes, there is such a thing as the RCA. The world is a big place. Don't be so shocked. :-)

A Conversation with a Relativist

I imagined having a conversation with a relativist. It goes something like this:

Me: Hey. Sup. My name is Richard and I'm a Christian.

Steve: Hey Richard, I'm Steve and I believe that everything is relative.

Me: Stop forcing your beliefs on me!

Matt and Kim

Grandeur

The world is so big and full of interesting people.

Today, I looked through some asian urban hip hop culture folk.
Then I looked at some caucasian photographic artsy fartsy folk.

And I can't help but wonder how interesting their lives are.

It's kind of nice. I don't covet their lifestyles but I want to live a life that seems a little nicer.

A little more interesting. But it probably just seems a little boring because I'm in charge of my own life and I'm a pretty boring guy. Tsk. Oh well, I should be more positive. :)

I think I want my bowl cut back. And I should stop dressing like a bum too.

Tsk. Should I be lazy? or not lazy?

Smile and go out into the world, little man~!

:)

so sad...

Paint on the Canvas of Flesh

These are my next few pictures. I was stressed and I needed to take things off my mind so I was obsessing about taking these pictures. It's called Paint on the Canvas of Flesh and I think they aight. Not the best but it did the job and took my mind off everything for an hour or so.

My Models
Richard Chung

Follow the Continuum
Richard Chung

Off Center
Richard Chung

A Bird in the Empire
Richard Chung

and the monster said to her, "what are you staring at, little girl?"
Richard Chung

Homesickness

Last night, I felt the first real feeling of homesickness in a long time. It was weird because I wasn't worried about being away from home but I was worried about being anywhere. I was thinking of my future when I become a missionary and how homesick I might feel about that and how I was in the dorm and I might be homesick because of that. But the thing was, when I thought about home, I was not comforted at all. I was thinking that even if I went home, that I would feel homesick.

I think that was God's sincere gift to me to help me realize that this world does not contain my real home. I realized that compared to my home in heaven, my "actual" home here had nothing on it.

I think this feeling of homesick came as a result of two things.

1. I really didn't feel like talking to anybody, and the people I might have wanted to talk to, something happened where they wouldn't talk to me or whatever. Some things happened.
2. And I realized that I "forgot" to fill out my FAFSA by the deadline so I might not attend BIOLA for the next semester. This would mean that I have to get a job. Or I could go on a long term mission.
   

The thought of going home was one of the worst feelings I could have. My feeling of homesickness came to me more and more as I though about having to go home.

The thought of going on missions was hard because I felt like I would get homesick because of the culture shock and whatnot.

It was hard.

I woke up at 3:30 and as I lay there trying to get back to sleep, all these thoughts came stampeding on me. I lay there for ten minutes and I realized that maybe, God was telling me to go rely on him. Right when I realized that "wait, if I die, God is still there" I felt this overwhelming sense of calm.

I know you guys are wondering, "wait, what does being homesick, and God being there after you die have anything to do with each other."

I say, "dood, chill, I'll tell you."

It helped me because if something as "hopeless" in the eyes of unbelievers as death, is followed by being with God forever, then the small hopelessnesses such as homesickness and stress, can completely be backed up by God. So no matter what happens, I shouldn't stress so much about things that are backed by God.

Anywho, so after I came to this realization, I got up, and decided to read the bible. So I got up, read about Lot and Abraham and angels and I felt the restlessness go away quickly. After a couple chapters, I got up and went back to bed because I was tired again. Tired and not restless.

This is my blog post on what happened to me last night before my Biology exam, which I believe I passed with an A but not sure. I didn't tell anybody this yet, so if anyone asks, you heard it from here.

This is Richard's Blog and have a nice day Global Community of the Worldly Earth.

Self-Reflection

I recently took up photography. I really enjoy taking pictures. I'll probably buy a camera. Anywho, I realized that I really enjoy looking over the pictures that I take. I like it because it creates a sense of accomplishment in me. I really enjoy the feeling. Maybe I should make a photoblog...maybe not.

I also recorded a song recently. This time, I smarted up and found a legitimate singer to sing my song. At first, I thought it would suck to be behind it all and not sing my own songs, but I realized, if I suck at singing, I'm going to shame my very own songs. Besides, since I'm writing the songs, it just shows that I have some genius in me. hoho. Anywho, I like it.

Today, all during Theology II, I was thinking of pictures I could be taking and I slightly thought of the philosophy behind my own photos. This is a brief explanation of the concept behind my art.

Concept:
I like taking pictures of people. More so than even the most beautiful plants or animals. I think that humans add life to the picture. Now that said, I try to dehumanize my models so that while they add life to the picture, they don't affect it with their humanity.

That's a very brief description. If you want more, give me a week to gather my thoughts into an articulatable form.

I think I might change majors or get an art minor or something. I don't know.

I hope some people out there can enjoy my art, but honestly, I do this for myself. So, it's fine if you ignore this post entirely and never even glance at my art. Your loss. haha.

That's it!

Status on My Manly Month of March

So far, I failed on 5, 6, 7, & 8. Sigh. But the first four are good.

5) I watched Nico Vera on Youtube while writing my Annotated Bibliography.

6) I woke up late today and went straight to the library to work on my Annotated Bibliography.

7) I said, "sup dog."

8) I stole napkins and a sandwich from the Biola cafeteria.

Manly Month of March

Apparently, this is the Manly Month of March and if you're a man, you're not allowed to shave. So I thought of the concept of abstaining from some activities and I decided to give up somethings for the month of March. Roughly. I hope this makes me a little more likable but whatever.

1. Shaving.
   
2. My visits to Steward and playing DOTA all night.
3. Making fun of Youn Joo Lee.
4. Unnecessary physical contact including but not limited to the following: hitting, hugging, embracing, kissing, rubbing, patting, tapping, and/or grabbing.
5. Lone media entertainment (watching stuff by myself) including but not limited to the following: watching movies, watching shows, and/or youtube.
6. I'm gonna give up some sleep in the mornings so I can go out and pray to this awesome possum God of mine.
7. Retarded catch phrases of mine including but not limited to the following: sack of dirt, awesome possum, anyword-tastical, word, hey dog, supsup, saying "whussup" for the fifth time in the duration of one get-together.
8. Stealing stuff without asking.

I think of anymore but I'm sure my good friends can. Hopefully they will be kind and just not mention anymore but if you're inclined to to "help" me become a better human being, shame on you for not loving me as I am. tsk. Shoot, I have to sleep early if I want to wake up early and it's like 10:10 so, farewell and I hope the next time I see you, I'm a better human being with an awesome beard/moustache in my case.